


Do you believe in fate?

by nanasteiger



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M, Meant To Be, policeman!Jim
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-25
Updated: 2014-12-25
Packaged: 2018-03-03 09:40:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2846438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nanasteiger/pseuds/nanasteiger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The original Title was "The five times Jim and Bones were on the same place at Christmas without knowing and the one they were together because they wanted to" but it was a little long. However it sums up the story pretty well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Do you believe in fate?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sullacat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sullacat/gifts).



> This story is writter for sullacat, the person i was assigned for the USS Secret Santa. Honestly, this is the first time I write something so big for this fandom (and in english in general) but I'm pretty happy about the result. I really, really hope you (and especially sullacat, that i really love as a writer here on ao3) loves this because I wanted to do this good. I worked very hard for writing a nice story and make a good present. Merry Christmas!   
> (And a special thank you to Carmine for helping me and being an amazing beta and to Arturo for being my friend and reading and helping me even if he could not care less)

_ 1991 _

If someone had asked Jim Kirk what was his first memory he would have said Christmas 1991. He was only four years old but he could recall so much of that night that sometimes he was afraid his mind was making up some parts, filling blank spaces with too good memories to be true. His mother in a red dress and her blond hair were gathered in a beautiful braid and she was happy. Jim could remember her singing the songs on the radio, smiling and Sam was there too, and even if Jim almost couldn’t remember the face of his brother anymore, in his memory, Sam was there. He was on the couch, blond hair like their mother and a Christmas sweater, he kept asking if they could open the presents even if it wasn’t even midnight and they still had to eat.

What makes Jim wonder if this memory is authentic or not, is the total absence of his father. Of course Jim knows that his father -the great George Kirk, the hero, the martyr- was dead and that it could have been strange to have him physically in his memory of that Christmas, but after all the figure of his father has been present in every other aspect of his life, his shadow always on his head. It was probably his mother’s fault, whom for the rest of Jim’s life had used to remind him how amazing his father was, how sad she was that he wasn’t there, how much Jim looked like him and even when she could not be in the same city as her own children, the only words she could give him were sad, full of old melancholy.

The only memory without his father is that happy Christmas and Jim remembers the fireworks, the Midnight Mass and the warmth of his mother’s hand in his for all the time, Sam’s laughters and the other kids playing with the snow. Jim doesn’t know if is all real but can’t think of a better memory.

Leonard McCoy, just Leo for his family and friends, had lived all his life in the suburbs of Savannah. He was ten years old and beside his nice old school nearer the city he never really saw anything else that wasn’t his ranch and his stables and just once the ocean, but he was so little he could not even remember.

When his dad came to his room a week before Christmas saying that he had a couple of days off work and that he wanted to take him and his mum to a holiday, he just couldn’t believe it. He was going to see the snow and to meet new friends and old relatives and to spent some time with his dad.

Iowa was far but with his mum singing for the most part of the trip and his father so relaxed everything was nice and even if eighteen hours looked like an eternity Leo was too happy to care or to complain. Martensdale was a city so small that when they arrived, Leo thought that all the people in the city could easily fit in their house back in Georgia, but he was a good-mannered kid and he smiled politely to almost everyone and even if he just wanted to go play with the snow he stayed behind his mother skirt until one of his oldest relatives said he could go.

The snow in Iowa was a common thing, the winter was always freezing and in the park just outside his old uncle’s house there was no other kid but him. An old lady in the house told him that probably that night, after the Mass, other kids of his age would have come to play but he was having fun just playing by himself. The snow was colder and wetter than he expected but with his brand new gloves it was easy to try to build something that could appear like a snowman. His father looked at him playing for a while and Leo couldn’t be happier. Not even the fireworks that night or making new friends or eating or singing or opening all the presents in the world could compete with the feeling that his father had finally the time for him and his family, just for that holiday, just for that night.

_1998_

When Leo was seventeen he was all long limbs and long hair and he never actually looked at girls. His friends used to mock him because he was in his senior year and he never dated anyone but he didn’t care, he had to study, especially because it was his senior year. He needed to be admitted at the Ole Miss at any cost, the exams were near and he just didn’t had time to do something as silly as dating. His father used to tell him that being a doctor was something more than a mere job, it was a vocation and if he wanted to follow his steps he needed to be focused. He had almost forgotten that it was Christmas time if his grandmother hadn’t started adorning their house with garlands and red bows and mistletoe. The tree that once was his only big duty during Christmas was already done, set in the middle of their big living room and if his homework and books and medicine school wasn’t more important than anything else he could have felt a bit guilty.

Geoff had to take his chair out of his ass on Christmas Eve to force him to go to the party a schoolmate was hosting and even with a beer in his hand and a very ugly Santa hat Leo knew that he would have felt out of place for the whole evening. When someone -maybe Carol, that bitch- started to introduce him girls, it took Leo a couple of handshakes to understand what was happening. He should have been angry if Jocelyn didn’t appear out of nowhere. She was the most beautiful girl Leo had ever seen, with her long brown hair and green eyes, her blue sweater with too much reindeers and the most awful eggnog in her hand. She started talking to him about how much she was bored and that she felt useless being there when the exam were so close. They started criticizing everything passed in their mind and in front of them, they laughed so hard that Leo’s friends could not believe their own eyes. They started wandering around the house and along the street lighted up by big Santas and Christmas trees, holding hands and smiling, feeling happy for a boy chatting with his mother on one bench and for a group of girls singing out loud old carols.

When they kissed -well, when Jocelyn kissed him- Leo could swore that that was the best Christmas of all times. When he went back home, a little too drunk, his mother was crying and his grandpa gave him a pat on his back saying to be strong. When his father told him about his cancer, Leo understood that that was the worst Christmas of all times.

When Jim was eleven, Sam was already gone and Frank was already living in his home. His mom had already started traveling too much and sometimes he was afraid that he was starting to forget his brother‘s face or his mother‘s voice. In the past years, winter and Christmas had always brought his mother back, for at least a couple of days, even after he discovered Jim bruise on his ribs, but the more years passed by, less time his mother would spent in Iowa. When they slept together in mommy’s big bed, Sam used to tell him, that when Dad was alive they had this very big house in Des Moines, and that he used to have a big fancy toy car and that he played with mom all the time. He would probably tell him all those things to make him jealous but Jim loved those stories -he just loved to hear about his dad, back then, about how brave and strong he was, what an amazing Police officer he was, how many bad guys he caught and how many good people he helped- but after a while Sam stopped telling them because, as he said, Jim always had to spoil all the fun.

When he grew older, Jim started thinking that maybe all those stories weren’t true -the big toys, the pool, all the friends his brothers said he used to have- but the big house was true, Jim could see it in the pictures, and he could not understand why his mother wanted to move in a little town like Martensdale, especially if she had to stay away for so long. She clearly didn’t want to stay there and Jim started very soon to hate that place too.

The last Christmas Jim remembers with his mother is the Christmas 1998, when for once she decided to take him with her in one of his work trip, all way down to Savannah, Georgia. For the first time in his life Jim saw the ocean and in that moment he fell in love with the sand and the salty wind and even if he was freezing, he promised -he looked at his mother, beautiful and sad as ever, and he promised to her with his little, childish voice- that one day they would be happy in a place like that, with the sea and the joy only Christmas could bring. She kept his hand all night long and they didn’t have that much to talk because Jim was a kid and wanted to talk about Sam or his dad or why she couldn’t stay just a little longer that time, but they walked a lot and they listened to a group of girls that looked so happy singing old carols and a couple of lovers that held hands and kissed in the middle of the street.

_2005_

 

If you’re an eighteen school dropout, with a bad anger problem and an inclination to fuck everything up, it’s not so easy to find a job even when your IQ is over the average. He had spent the last couple of years here and there, mostly on the coasts, near the sea, never too close to home. A couple of time he had the idea of looking for Sam but it always faded very fast, he didn’t need anyone, not anymore. That fucker left him when he was eight years old and even after ten years he still couldn’t forgive him.

Christmas wasn’t a big thing for him anymore, he had forgotten to celebrate it for a couple of years when he was on the road, but when he entered in a very anonymous bar in a suburb of Miami, Florida, he understood at the first look that it was that time of the year. It wasn’t the garlands or the lights or the little tree that started to sing _Deck the halls_ when someone went too near, it was the feelings spread all over the face of every person in that bar, it was the warmth and the joy and all of that made him nauseous. Even the cute little honeymoon couple at the end of the bar was revolting, the joyful owner with his rosy cheeks and the old lady with the strong whiskey to stay warm, everything was awful and he wanted to get drunk.

When a man sat in front of him, two glasses of something strong and a little smile on his face, dark hair going silver and blue-as-night eyes, Jim really considered that if he was been mistaken for a hooker with this guy he could give it a go. He smiled and took one of the glasses, he didn’t drink at first because Jim was too smart to accept too easily everything a stranger gave to him but when the man started to speak everything went clear.  

Christopher Pike was one of his father’s old friend and even if they were never really introduced, not even when he was a baby, he understand after just one look that he had to be George Kirk’s son. You look just like him, was something his mother used to tell him all the time. “Come with me to California, I bet you could be an amazing cop, just like him”, was something no one had ever dared to tell him. Because Jim was smart and witty and yeah, he had just his father’s face, but he never really trusted himself to follow his steps, because Jim was hotheaded, a nobody. He laughed at him and the man, Christopher Pike, stood up and left leaving him his card and the address of San Francisco’s Police Academy. “Merry Christmas son”, he said closing the door.

Everyone said them that getting married at 24 was madness, that they were both too young and that Leo had to finish Med School before thinking of anything else, but they were so in love and Jocelyn wanted a winter wedding so much and everything looked perfect and they were just ready. They just knew it, they felt like they could conquer the world together. Since when Leo’s father passed away three years before, Jocelyn had become his rock and he was so afraid of losing her that he could have done everything for her.

School was harder than ever, his family started to fade away, crumbling in front of his eyes in his father’s memory and leaving to Mississippi looked so easy he didn’t even have the time to feel guilty. Running away from difficulties has never been his favorite solution but everything seemed easier with Joce at his side . They wanted to come back eventually, to start a family in Georgia and to raise their children like they were both been raised, with the same values and the same love. Leo dreamt of a job at the same hospital his father worked for more than thirty years and Joce was the same old free spirit that wanted all and nothing, that could be everything. He loved her dearly because of that, she never really bored him.

They married in a little chapel near Jocelyn’s parents‘ house, a little ceremony with their families and a few friends. She was beautiful and everyone was happy. Leo hoped that that feeling could last forever.

Their honeymoon was brief and simple, they wanted to stay close because Leo had to come back to school soon and Florida was nice in winter. Their first Christmas as a married couple was full of laughters and the little bar they decided to stop by at Christmas Eve was joyful as they expected. The little Christmas tree that played _Deck the Halls_ when someone get too close was hilarious and they sung all night without knowing all the words just because they were happy.

Joce said that it was that night that they conceived their little Johanna and Leo was grateful that it happened when they were happy. When they were a real family.

(Because everyone was damn right saying that they were too young, that Med school was always between them. And then Leo started to feel guilty for leaving his family, and the old free spirit Joce was never really matured and settled and that started to bore him. That feeling of happiness wasn’t meant to last forever.)

_2010_

Leonard was 29 -it was just only _Leonard_ nowadays, he had left Leo behind, back in Georgia, Leo was a petty name for the petty person he was, Leo was the child in his old home and the husband in his lost one, Leo was history-. Leonard was 29 when he decided to move to San Francisco. He didn't have  that much of a choice, the Saint Francis Memorial Hospital offered him a job and among the other options California was the furthest place he could go to, leaving Georgia behind. He could not stand being so close to what he used to think as his family and not being able to be with them, with Johanna. He knew that Jocelyn would not let him go near her anymore and it hurt too much. Even if he stopped drinking and she should have known that he could never, ever hurt his baby girl. Even if he was a new person and the divorce changed him and all he wanted was to see his kid growing up.

It was his first Christmas completely alone -and completely sober- and even if everyone thought that he had to be miserable, he was fine. For Leonard was just a day like the others, he was glad he could save the terrible pain in the ass a night shift on Christmas Eve could be to someone else who probably had someone to go home to.

Christmas nights in the Emergency Room are usually very chaotic -nothing like New Years Eve, but also very busy and stressful  - but it's rare to have a too serious case. He had just finished to stitch up a man who tried to cut the turkey and ended up with _almost_ cutting three of his fingers off, when Christine came asking for him -with the terrible attitude she always uses when she would like to be somewhere else. There is a man younger than him who's sitting on a chairs just outside his door, the head in his hands, something that looks a lot like puke on his jeans and blood on his shirt. When the boy looked up -and he looked right at him and he looked so young and so sad- Leonard could see the ugly cut on his cheekbone and the incredible color of his eyes. He must have thought, for just a second, that no one should have that look on his face the night of Christmas Eve but when he moved for going closer he noticed that Christine was next to him and the patient his nurse had called him for -a little brave girl who was trying not to cry- needed him. He must have thought that he would have liked to go talk to him, to make him smile, just once.

Jim was 23 when he got his heart broken for the first time. He couldn't understand why it was hurting so much, lots of boys and girls had rejected him before, lots of people abandoned  him, but he was different. Spock was his friend and Jim had loved him for so long and he thought that Spock loved him too in his cryptic way. After joining the force Spock had became everything for him, his mentor at first, the person he looked at, his superior, then his equal, his partner, his best friend, and finally his lover. He was at his side when people said that he was there just because of his father or because he used to suck Pike's cock or both, he was there when his brother got married and he had a something that could look like a family again and Spock was part of that family.

When he asked Jim to go with him to the Hanukkah dinner he was planning for his family -because he had something very important to announce and if something is important for Spock than it has to be something big- he thought that the moment finally arrived. He was going to tell his father that they were together and start a real life. But the important news was that he and Nyota Uhura, the court translator they started to work with, started dating and he wanted them to meet her. Worst of all she was beautiful and smart and perfect and Jim _hated her_ because she was everything he could not be and because Sarek loved her immediately while he still could not stand Jim after almost five years. Because Spock clearly liked her and no one used to know Spock like he used to. He dismissed himself as soon as he could for the party Scotty told him about even though he knew that drinking has always been bad for his temper, that being a policeman was all his life now and looking for a fight to release all the rage and the sorrow he had in his heart and mind could ruin everything he worked so hard for. At the end of the night Jim had even forgotten that it's Christmas and he was in the nearest hospital he could find because his face hurt like a bitch and his heart was in pieces.

_2014_

Being 27, for Jim Kirk, wasn’t a big deal. He was just a couple of years from the scary thirty and yes, he was a single man while all his friends were getting married, starting to talk about babies and the color of their future nurseries and all that scary stuff but after so many years he could say that he had a satisfying life, even without a man at his side. His job was giving him incredible joy, Pike had told him that in a couple of years he could even have a promotion -dear God how good it sound _Captain Kirk_ in his mind- and that he was proud of him.

Hikaru was even giving a party at Christmas Eve for announcing his engagement, or his proposal. That step wasn’t really clear to no one, not even Hikaru, but Pavel was a too smart kid to not see what that night was really about. Everyone at the station was really excited because even if their team was very close they never had the chance to have a real Christmas party all together, with partners and suits and champagne. Nyota had even come to him at the station asking him about his present for her husband and when they lost track of time -because she would never admit it but she _loved_ chatting with him, especially because of all the little story about Spock that he was more than willing to share- Jim had to rush home to get ready for the party. He hadn’t wear a suit in ages and not to brag but the uniform was amazing on him but with a tuxedo he could really shine.

The place Scotty rented for the night was a little out of the bay but when Jim arrived he was impressed. The music that came from the building was soft and the man at the door took his coat, he could just smile grateful when a lady offered him a glass of champagne -that he politely had to refuse- and he stepped in the saloon. It was beautiful, the huge Christmas tree and all the lights and the big empty dancing floor that was just waiting to be used. All his friends were already there, among other people he had never seen before, and he was just happy, because that was the place he was meant to be with the people he was meant to meet.

Pike came close to him, walking slowly with his cane and a beautiful young lady at his side. “This is Carol Marcus, Jim.” he said and she kissed her hand like the gentleman his boss wanted him to be “she is the daughter of the Police Commander Marcus but come, there are lots of people I want you to meet”. He had that light in his eyes that made Jim almost blush because after all those year, Pike could have been like a father to him, it still was uncomfortable to him when he tried to get Jim laid.

Leonard was 33 and his friends, well maybe just Christine, still couldn’t understand that when he said that he didn’t want to go to a Christmas Eve party , he really _really_ didn’t want to go to a Christmas Eve party. He just wanted to stay home, his favorite pajama pants on and “Love, Actually” on Netflix. He didn’t want to shave, to dress up, to be in some fancy place with fancy people he probably would not like and be miserable with others around when he could be miserable just by himself. To be fair his life wasn’t even that bad anymore, he had the job of his dreams and he had decent people around. It took him almost five years but he was starting to like San Francisco, even with his crazy night life -that usually led to crazy incidents and crazy people at the Emergency Room- and all those miles from Georgia. He even started to talk to Jocelyn again and she was sending him pictures of Johanna, who was the most beautiful six-year-old he had ever seen, he even had the chance to talk to her once, on the phone, by chance, and it was so overwhelming he had to shut off the call.

Christine showed up at his place at seven o’clock and she picked one of the suits from his closet and forced him to have a shower because they were late and this place they had to go was a little far from the city so he had to hurry up. She whistled when he was ready just to see him blush and he kept fixing his bowtie until it was a mess and she had to tied it up in the car all over again. Leonard wasn’t really nervous but parties weren’t really his thing anymore, too much alcohol he didn’t wanted to have around and too many strangers to be awkward with. He knew that Christine had lots of friends at this party -it seemed that when you work for so long as a nurse it feels inevitable to became friends with the Police Department in a city like the one they live in- and that she wanted to hook him up with someone.

When they arrived the party was clearly already on, the music was good but not too high and there were lots of people outside and inside the huge building. It wasn’t very in the Christmas theme but it was nice, at least until his date had started to show him around, making him shake hands here and there and repeating his name too much times for his personal taste.

“Come Leo, this is the Chief of Police, Christopher Pike. Chris, this is the friend I have spoken you of, Doctor Leonard McCoy” she said and his head was spinning for too many names and too many faces but he wanted to make a good impression in front of such an important person so he smiled, just like his mother taught him, and tried to look relaxed. “Nice to meet you sir” he shook his hand but he was not ready when he pushed him closer and started to introduce him to the little group of people that was clearly following him around.

“Nice to meet you, too.” his voice was strong like his hand and his eyes, blue as the night, that wandered cheerfully until they were on the man on his right. “Let me introduce you my best man. James Kirk.”

_2019_

It took them four years and lots of begging and double shifts -and promises of future double shifts-  to finally have a Christmas Night just for themselves. Jim wanted to cook but Leo couldn’t let him to ruin their kitchen when they just repainted all the area after the grill experiment in July.

“Isn’t sad if we eat pizza on our real first Christmas together?” Jim said after closing the door on the pizza guy face. Probably he didn't really thought that eating something that wasn’t a big fat turkey and sweet potatoes was sad, he just wanted to make their night perfect.

“Did I ever told you that my first memory ever is a Christmas night just like this?” Jim sat on the couch next to Leonard and placed the pizza on the table in front of their TV. Leo rolled his eyes because yes, they already had that conversation a thousand times but Jim looked always so happy to tell it that he could just listen about how gorgeous his mother was that night and the presents under their tree and the fireworks they saw just after the Mass. It was just there that it struck him.

“Sorry, say again what year was that?”

“I was four, I think, so 1991 maybe?” Leo started to laugh even if Jim couldn't really understand why he smiled and put his feet on Leo’s leg. It was rare to see him like this so he really would not complain.

“I was in Iowa that year, Jim, to see my Uncle Bob. And there was the snow and… And the fireworks. God I don’t remember the name of that… that village, it had like, a couple of hundreds of citizens, but I could bet we were in the same place back then. Maybe we even played together!”

“Uncle Bob? Really?” Leo laughed again and slapped him on his arms.

“Could you please focus on the fact that maybe we could have known each other since I was, like, eleven? I had my daughter age!”

Leo stretched himself to take one slice of pizza that was starting to get cold. He could not tell why he was so excited by the fact the more than twenty years ago they were maybe in the same place, maybe they talked, maybe they looked at each other, but all of that was giving him thrills. He felt silly, looking at the face of the love of his life eating very ungracefully his second slice of pizza while watching the rerun of an old Christmas movie, thinking that maybe all this was meant to be.

“Do you believe in fate?”

“Please Bones, don’t tell me you do.” Jim lied down looking at him, smiling like he was daring him to say that _yes, I do, I believe that the world wanted us to be here, right now, loving each other_ but he just shook his head and took his face in his hands, kissing him.

 


End file.
